Thoughts on Things

I’m cheap.

A Man After My Own Heart

[Steve] draws a rectangle. ‘Here’s the new application,’ he says. ‘It’s got one window. You drag your video into the window. Then you click the button that says burn. That’s it. That’s what we’re going to make.’ “

Customer Service

Every morning I wake up and go downstairs to the coffee shop in my building. I order 1 iced coffee and 1 banana. Today, as I was walking away, nomming on my banana I soon realized that the inside of said banana was black, rotten, and inedible. I usually don’t complain about a minor disappointment in food service because it usually means a lot of work for the staff. If say my dish was not to my liking exactly, I am not going to demand another dish. Who cares, its still food.

But this was different.

I had ordered a banana which would be only food for the next 4 hours or so. Without this banana I was likely to have a terrible morning of zombiness and hunger. I returned to the counter and kindly showed the barrista that, after biting the first few inches off my banana, the center of the banana was rotten. Not mushy, extra sweet, over ripe rotten but the kind of rotten that makes you expect a worm to emerge. 

“Hey, this banana’s rotten in the middle, can I grab another?”

“WHAT? AFTER YOU ATE HALF OF THAT ONE?”

“I’m sorry?”, I say, slightly confused.

“Yeah take one, its fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Ok…”, I sheepishly grab what looked like a fresher breakfast banana. 

Why do I feel like the asshole here?

You sold me a rotten banana, which, who cares. Its hard to guarantee fruit, but, do not sell me rotten fruit and then scowl at me for kindly asking for replacement. 

Kiss your customers ass. They are your boss. 

I hope Buckeye Donuts sells bananas. 

String Theory

“If we zoom in far enough, we see that the particles are actually little rubber bands.” - Complete Idiots Guide to String Theory

This is so wrong. This implies that there is some magical phenomenon that would allow you to directly observe the physical structure of a string. It cannot be observed, so don’t imply that it can. You should say that particles act as if they are made up of tiny strings vibrating at different frequencies. 

SEKURITY!!!!!!!

I get this emails every couple of weeks, they crack me up.

Sometimes I get emails about space security, those are even better.

Read More

The Frown Song - Ben Folds

Tread slowly from the car to the spa
Like a weary war-torn refugee
Crossing the border with your starving child
It’s a struggle just to get to shiatsu

Present the waitress with your allergy card
And tell her all your problems
And leave no tip at all
Down to the shoe store with your friends
Speculate who might be fucking the guru

Rock on, rock on, with your fashionable frown
Rock on, rock on, spread the love around
Rock on, rock on, with your fashionable frown
Spread the love around

Do you remember how we managed before
We could afford real nervous breakdowns
Or before the Anthropologie store
Was erected on Indian burial grounds

So really don’t you see a little of yourself
In the bathroom attendant that you just scowled at
Or the child who’s hiding inside
As you wipe the smile off the teenage barista

[Chorus]

All right

You’re gonna be all right, baby
You’re gonna be all right, baby

Floating back from the spa to the car
A state of bliss, and it wasn’t the steam room
Sometimes life’s not so bad
Now we know who’s been fucking the guru

[Chorus]